Craig's List experiment #1
So ladynanook and I were IMing last night about how many men will answer any "woman seeking man" (w4m) ad in the Casual Encounters section of Craig's List. As an experiment, I placed the following:

I'm a cow, and I need you NOW - w4m - 23 (castro / upper market)
Reply to: anon-[deleted]@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-04-17, 12:18AM PDT

I'm a hot, wet, horny cow... I mean a real cow, with hooves and two stomachs those cute glassy eyes. But I want steaming action tonight from a guy who can give it to me the way I need it. Plus I'm placing this to see how many men will answer ANY w4m ad.

Are you up to the challenge?

Here are the results.

• 13 responses in the first 10 minutes. About 35 responses total.
  
• Maybe 20 of them were men who clearly didn't read the ad.
  
• 10 or so were men who read the ad, made a cow reference, but went for it anyway because they figured there's a Real Live Girl (TM) on the other end.
  
• 5 or so were genuinely funny or interesting. Including the sole female respondent.

I considered sending this link (Flash) to all respondents, but... didn't. Anyway, here's a selection:

The funny or interesting

• An AOL member wrote: "hehe. I'm not a man but I'm interested to know how many men respond. -moo". We started an interesting correspondence. It turns out that she, too, places "fake" ads along with real ones... if she gets the same message to both, that person gets shitcanned. With this posting, maybe I can save her (and others like her) some work. :) In a nod to me, her fake one that night said, "I'm no cow, but I'm no prize either.". She wouldn't tell me which was her real one though. Rotter.
  
  
  
• One guy, one word: "Mooooooooooooo".
  
  
  
• "hmm, aren't there ordinances in this city against keeping cows? i must say, you're a damn literate cow as well. must be hard to type with those hooves? How can you do that at this moment? If you're a cow of color, I'd be tempted to ask, "How now, brown cow." Cow of color! Love it.
  
  
  
• TWO guys wrote to point out that cows have four stomachs, not two. Fixed and thanked. One wrote back: "Hopefully I'll remember your post, the correction I helped you make, and maybe, ..just maybe, 50 years from now when I'm in an old people home I'll be lucky enough to have someone wipe the tears from my eye's as I remember my great contribution to the world."
  
  
  
• Mike wrote: "I know a song that fits the occasion: Moo Moo, I love you / I know you are a cow but anything will do / Whooeee, can't ya see / I wanna make love to you. / I love your COW-logne / And I see you baked me a pie.....sheesh, sorry that I stepped in it. / Moo moo, I love you, I know you are a cow, but anything will do, / whooeee, can'tcha see / i gotta make love to you....somethin' about those big brown eyes." (with apologies to Jonathon (Johnny B) who wrote the song). Thanks, Mike!
  
  
  
• One guy wanted to know how many "morons" responded. He feared that, if more than 10, the apocalypse would soon be upon us. Sorry, dude. We're fucked.
  

Amazingly, I got no penis pics! When I told that to one friendly correspondent, he sent this back:



Finally, this one deserves its own place:

Moo moo mooo moo, moo? Moo moooooooo moo moooooooooooooooooooooo moo
moo
moo moooooo mo mooo! Moo! Moo! Moo! Moo! Moo 32 moo moo moo, moo
moo
moo, moo moo, moo moo 1500 lbs moo! moo moo, moo!
mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Moo moo,
Moo!

With this pic attached:

People who "got it", but tried to get some anyway

You know, I don't feel I can be snarky with these folks. I've answered ads that were probably fake... who knows whether someone's being silly (like me) or just using humor to weed out the wankers?

Except this first guy. He's a schmuck.

• One guy at lucasfilm.com (yes, lucalfilm.com!) wrote simply: "I'm a pig. I have never been with a cow. I'm not sure I would like it." I responded to congratulate him for getting the joke. But he impugned his intelligence by responding, "No thank. I'm looking to chat with women only. Have a good night." Into the Dumbass File with you!
  
  
  
• "I have a feeling you're just trying to prove a point, but in case you're not, let me set the stage. We can lay back on the couch and get to know each other while slowly feeling each other out." Etc. The fantasy description ends with him eating my pussy.
  
  
  
• "hi this farmer wants a to feed you cow need a milking". GAGGGGG!!!
  
  
  
• "how can u type... anyways, how big r ur tits... like anal? hope u're not fat...". Anyways.
  
  
  
• This might be my favorite of the bunch. One guy simply asked, "Are u really a cow...???"
  
  
  
• "Moo Moo bull build wm 5' 9" 34w 44c hairy masc big balled bull. Geary at 11th Ave". GAGGGGG x 2!
  
  
  
• I am wild, horny bull...a real bull stubborn, grunts and glasses over my eyes. Am looking for rough action (harmless) who loves mounting couple of times. Ever tried milking a bull...it's not so difficult. The real question is, are *you* upto challenge..."
  

Dumbasses

ladynanook talked me out of posting their email addresses. But let this be a warning to all: Email is neither a secure nor a private medium. Nothing in law or social contract prevents your private folly from becoming hilariously public. But I've included sample text so you can spot these guys when they answer your ads.

• This fellow was the first, within seconds of the ad hitting the site: "I'm looking for a delicious ready pussy to eat, is it yours? Hit me back if I can eat you all night."
  
  
  
• One guy sent a LOOONG form letter that was actually pretty convincing. It included generic phrases like "I love your proposal" and "You made my day, with your post, just reading what you wrote I sincerally believe we have to meet in real, we will get along so well." And: "From what I sense you are very charming and sweet...". Smart *and* stupid!
  
  
  
• "Just viewed ur profile and wanted to see if u would like to spend time with an east Indian guy am 32 old standing @5'8'' fit..." blah blah blah. Question: Does Hinduism permit sex with cows, as long as you don't eat them?
  
  
  
• "Victor" apparently read it, but only for punctuation, not content: "just wanted to say i might be up to the chalange and am willing to host let me know...." WHAT THE FUCK?!??!111!? He caught the word "challenge" but not the word "cow"? Or maybe he's really into sentient farm animals? Picture of YADIS (Yet Another Dude In Sunglasses).
  
  
  
• One surfer guy is a real sensitive dude: "I spent a great day along the coast today, and would love to meet someone new and interesting over drinks tonight. Maybe listen to some music, grab a bit...really whatever we're up for."
  
  
  
• "got apic?" Yes, that's the whole thing.
  
  
  
• One fellow (whom I actually know professionally!) wrote with a photo: "I just might be. I am cool and attractive. Let me know if you are still interested". He works in real estate, and his last name is close to the Inupiak slang for "outsider". Helpful, huh?
  
  
  
• "I have been sexually deprived for a long time and need a woman to make me cum out and play hard. alot of frustration and stamina has been built in and awaiting to release on you." ON me? Eww.
  
  
  
• "21/m/sf/pix/6'0/190/8 inches" (That's the whole thing. Bet it was sent from a cell phone.)
  
  
  
• "I'm downtown Milpitas for the week, just arrived from Europe, alone at the hotel. I'm 28, blond, blue eyes, slightly above 5'7", 134lbs (...) What does a vow like you look like ?" A VOW? He actually read the ad? Weeeeeird.
  
  
  
• "yes i am if ur still looking to make it happen call me 415 497 35XX"
  

For my next experiment, I'm thinking of trying the other side of the coin: That is, responding to every w4m ad with a form letter to see how effective that technique actually is. Stay tuned.